I’m not gay.
I’m not straight.
I’m not bi. I’m not transgender. I’m not anything.
I’m just me. I am truly myself when I'm dressed as a Drag Queen.
I’m a boy and I identify as a boy. The fact that I have always liked to dress up in princess dresses, jewelry, tiaras, makeup, and wigs doesn’t make me any less of a boy.
When I was in kindergarten, I used to wear my older sister’s Disney princess dresses around the house. I would wear them all day.
That was normal for me, but it was not normal for my dad. He would call me names, terrible names. He would get very angry at my mother and tell her that she was making me gay. He would tell me that I was “worthless”, a “pussy”, and tell me that I needed to “grow a set“.
He put me in Cub Scouts, and soccer, and eventually football. He wanted me to be the son he envisioned. That wasn’t something I was interested in.
I’ve always looked like a girl. I have had pretty features for a boy. I have also had long hair which I’ve actually donated twice now. When we go out to restaurants, often the waitress will say “what would you ladies like?“ and I used to say in my very lowest voice “but I’m a boy.” Now I’ve decided I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them that I’m something other than what they perceived. It’s pointless and honestly, they didn’t mean anything by it.
When my parents divorced, it was really hard for me. I was eight years old and I was always split between making my father happy, and being myself. My dad became even more verbally abusive and eventually physically abusive over the summer after my parents split up. It was hard being at his place, and I didn’t go more than a handful of times. One time, he lost his temper, and my sister had to defend me. We never went back to stay there after that.
My sister and I asked the judge to give my mom custody of us. Fortunately, it never went that far ,and my dad told my mom to just take us. We moved to the city after that, and I was afraid of leaving my small town, and everyone that I knew. At the same time, it was exciting, and I got to see a lot of new things.
My mom is a photographer. She photographs fashion shows and models. It is definitely crazy. It is like the art museum and Halloween all wrapped into one. I never know what she will be doing. Since my mom needs an assistant, sometimes I help out. I have been able to actually meet celebrity drag queens and was lucky enough to be backstage during the Denver pride festival 2017.
It was an amazing experience because everyone was so accepting. The queens were going from dressing room to dressing room in heels, sequins, full makeup and huge wigs. Sometimes they would not be dressed at all and just have on a dressing gown. They talked to me like I was a perfectly normal person. They were not stuck up. They were excited to meet me and treated me like I was valuable. Like I was important. It made me feel good inside.
Chad Michael’s even took my hand, and let me escort her from the dressing room to the stage. She held my hand the whole time and reassured me. She said, “Don’t worry sometimes even I get nervous before a performance. I’m glad you are here for me.”
I was starstruck. My mom was sobbing and was videoing everything. Walking Chad to the stage made my heart race. When the curtains opened, I could see thousands of people screaming for joy and celebrating. Pride fest was like nothing I had ever seen before. My mom had taken me to a concert, but this was not like that. This was strangers accepting each other without any question. There were people with body paint and High Drag. Some people looked totally normal, and everybody hugged everyone. Nobody did anything that was unacceptable, and nobody judged anyone for who they were. Everyone respected everyone, and it was beautiful!
On my 13th birthday, I asked to have a Drag Queen theme. My mom and I picked out a dress at Goodwill that was beautiful. It was pink. It almost fit me, so we altered it to fit my rib cage. We found some very sparkly jewelry and a huge fancy wig. A friend of my moms came over and spent the day teaching me how to do drag make up.
As my make up was completed, I felt my heart flutter. I was so excited!
Once we put on my dress and my wig, we had some extra time before my birthday dinner at Hamburger Mary’s in Denver. My mom took me and we did some fun photos. I felt very special! I felt fabulous!
My aunt and some family friends joined us, and everyone clapped their hands and was full of joy. The drag queens performed and made a big fuss over me. My mom was really proud of me, and I was proud of myself.
After dinner, they surprised me with a Celebrity drag performance at Drag Nation. I was allowed to go backstage afterward and meet the celebrity queens. Chad Michaels was beautiful, amazing, and kind. She even remembered me from Pride Fest! I also met Ginger Douglas who was especially nice to me. It meant so much to be treated like I was special and worth something.
I don’t do Drag for attention. I do Drag because it makes me feel the most myself I ever have. It makes me feel valuable, beautiful and special. Someday I plan to perform, but I haven’t had the courage yet. That’s OK. It’s not because I’m worried someone is going to see me dressed like a woman, it’s because getting up on stage can be scary, and even the professional queens still get stage fright.
I’ve noticed that these days everybody wants to label me. Everybody wants to know if I am gay, or straight. I don’t think that’s important.
I am me.
It shouldn’t matter if I am gay or straight. I am valuable as who I am. Drag has been something that made me feel valuable. By being beautiful on the outside, it has helped me understand that I am beautiful on the inside.