ADAM
NEW MEXICO | SERIES #3
I had a good coming out story for the most part. My family and friends were very supportive when I came out. I had a few people of course who made rude comments or started to ignore me after I came out, but if that’s how people are going to act, I realized they were people I didn’t need or want in my life.
I first realized I was gay a little before I started middle school, after my friend and I spent the night before he moved away; we were listening to the radio, and heard a story about a dad who was going to prison for beating his son to death after he found out he was gay. Around that time I realized I saw boys in a different way than I felt other boys my age did, but I didn’t know the exact word for it at the time. Hearing that story didn’t make me feel any better until my friend started talking about how he would love his kid regardless of if they were gay or straight. I remember after that night I started tearing up as we started going to bed, and I didn’t know why until I realized that I was gay.
I came out my last year of middle school which was around the time Troye Sivan posted his coming out video. I remember watching the video everyday for two weeks after he posted it. A little bit after, I grew the courage to at least tell one person— my best friend. I knew she would be supportive no matter what, because she had two moms who could help me out if I needed. She came over one night and we were watching TV and I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell her. It wasn’t until she said that she thought a guy on the show we were watching was cute and then I saw my chance to tell her. I tried to say it casually that I thought the guy was cute also but it probably sounded more rehearsed than anything. She then looked over at me and I said the words I had always been scared to say, “I’m gay”. We both started to tear up and we hugged each other for what seemed like forever. She then asked me a lot of questions like “Am I the first person you told?”, “When did you realize you were gay?”, “Tell me about the boys you have a crush on” and much more. We spent the rest of the night just talking, which is something I didn’t know I needed until that moment.
A few weeks later I wanted to come out to my friend who had recently moved away. We talked almost every day so I felt like I was keeping a part of me from him. I thought he would be accepting and would want to talk about it like my other friend, but that wasn’t the case with him. After I told him I was gay he was quiet for a few seconds and I was getting worried since it seemed a bit too long. He then asked if I had told my mom and I said no and then he started to say he was going to call her and tell her. I begged him to not tell her and I can’t tell if he was trying to joke or not but I was terrified in that moment. I tried to change the subject to keep him occupied so he wouldn’t call her. He didn’t end up calling her. After that day I started to notice him disappearing from my life. Whenever I would try to call or text him he would just say he was busy with homework or family. The times when we did have longer conversations it would be quick with me asking how he was and him saying he was good and then just ending the conversation. It wasn’t a great feeling to know that maybe if I didn’t tell him we would still be friends, but I also knew if he wasn’t going to accept me for who I was then he wasn’t someone I would want in my life.
The last person I felt I had to come out to was my mom. At this point I had come out to most of my friends so I was comfortable with the fact that people knew but telling my family was a little more difficult since I had known them since I was born. I then went back to Troye’s video again to give me a little courage to come out to them. My mom and I went on car rides regularly and we would just talk to each other about everything going on in our lives. Her usual questions were asking how school was going, if I had talked to this person, if I had a crush on anyone, etc. So we were just driving around and she asked if there was anyone I had a crush on and I hesitated a bit but then I told her “There’s this boy Tristan that is kinda cute.” She then smiled and said “I was wondering when you were going to tell me.” I asked her how she knew and she told me she had a feeling when I was about 4. She couldn’t explain how she knew, it was just something she could tell. We then talked for the rest of the car ride about all these different things I finally felt I could talk to her about.
Even after I came out to my mom she was worried about how other people were going to act towards me. I started to try to find my identity and started to play around with makeup and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race. I never wore makeup unless I was in the house and tried to watch Drag Race when my mom wasn’t around, she didn’t really like their attitudes. Soon after I did start to get a little more loud and flamboyant, which my mom did express that she was uncomfortable with. At the time I took this as her not wanting me to be gay when, it was really about her being worried how other people would treat me. It wasn’t until spring break last year when we traveled to California that I started to play around with makeup in public just a bit more that she started to realize why I enjoyed these things. She never understood why I never did this in New Mexico where we lived until I told her that I never felt like people in our state would understand a boy wearing makeup, but in California people never really batted an eye at me for doing something I loved.
Throughout this experience I have learned a lot about who I am as a person. My attitude towards many things has changed for the better. I’m happy with who I am regardless of who doesn’t like it. I know I have my family and friends who love and accept me for who I am.
