JAMES
ARKANSAS | SERIES # 4
This story is not just for people like me. I mean for this story to be for everyone.
I remember in the 7th grade when I first had actual friends. It was an interesting year because that’s when I first realized girls weren’t required to only like boys. Later, I realized boys didn’t have to only like girls. My first friend, I’ll call her S, had told me that she had a crush on her other friend. That was the first time I realized girls liking girls was something that was different. So, moving on!
I never did anything with that information for two years. I had always managed to have crushes on both boys and girls but never realized that there was a word for that. I never realized there was a community for that. The time that I eventually realized I was bisexual, around the beginning of 2018, I had first decided to come out to my best friend Kyle. The acceptance I was immediately met with had made me feel so much safer, considering that I live with a prejudiced family. Casually, I came out amongst my other closer friends until it was just something people knew and didn’t care about. Slowly, other friends came out to me; we are all there to support each other conquer our struggles.
I remember the day I came out to my mother. I had managed to sneak a bi flag into my house. My mother came home from work, and I wrapped the flag around my head like a towel. When she walked in, I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack! She ended up saying ‘same’ and I never felt so happy and surprised at the same time. I wasn’t afraid to express my feelings for others, and I feel like I’m able to be myself. It’s the most I could ask for.
Now, technically, I’m not supposed to tell someone else’s story here, but this is the part where the story is not just for people like me. I have a trans friend, let’s call her H. In early 2019, I remember the weeks H and I spent writing a letter, and doing research for her to come out to her mother. It’s March as I’m writing this, and as far as things have gone, her parents are not accepting of her. She’s dealt with “God does not want you to be like this” as well as “You don’t actually have dysphoria. You aren’t like this”, in addition to, “there’s nothing you can change on the outside that will make you happy on the inside”.
She’s had to deal with her mother going back and forth on the topic, ranging from being ‘okay’ with her, to flat-out saying she’ll never be her daughter. I’ve never dealt with this experience personally, but this is the best advice I could give her, and I’m willing to share it with you all.
If you believe in God, God would not have made you like this. You are exactly as God intended. No one, anywhere, can dictate who you are and who you are not. If you’re living your life thinking ‘people will not tolerate me as I am so I will live as something I’m not to make them happy’, you won’t be happy. Live to make yourself happy. Be as out and proud with your identity as much as it makes you happy.
Find those with similar experiences as you, and try to find people that don’t have the same experiences as you. There will always be a community of people who welcome you with open arms for who you are. Even if the community isn’t always in agreement all the time, we can still stick together and stay strong––not only for those alike and different, but also for our own happiness.
