NATALIE
ARKANSAS | SERIES # 4
My name is Natalie Dettmann, I am 17 years old. I am asexual and demiromantic (I think). I was born and raised in Conway, Arkansas. My story starts with my family. They have never really been against anything other than things that will harm you, like drugs. My family has always been open. My parents had a gay drag queen as a roommate before they had me! My grandparents are also accepting (even if it goes against their religion. They don't force their religious beliefs on anyone). They just want everyone to be happy.
That is the idea I grew up with: just be happy with yourself. On the subject of a “coming out” story, mine is… boring and not much happened. All throughout my life (so far) I never found anyone attractive or “good looking”, guys or girls. I have some really close friends. Two of their names are Avacyn and Catherine (Cat). I talked a lot about Avacyn for a couple of weeks to my mom and she asked if I liked Avacyn. I thought she meant as a friend and I said, “Yes, Avacyn and I are good friends.” My mom asked if I was going to ask Avacyn out. At that point I figured out what she meant by, “Do you like Avacyn?” I told her that I don't know what I am doing. My mom then told me to ask Cat if I should ask Avacyn out. I did. Cat told me that it was up to me to ask her out but she didn't see why not. I waited until the last day of school to ask her out. She said yes, but I would have to wait until she broke up with her boyfriend. We didn't get together officially until high school. We dated for about a year.
It didn't occur to me that I was queer, I was just doing what made me happy. At the high school, I joined the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) and learned a lot about culture, history, label names, and so much more. I was afraid of judgement and what other people thought of me. Then I got my bow. My rainbow bowtie really helped me. After I got it (and started wearing it all the time) I felt like I found myself. I gained a lot of self confidence and more social.
My advice to other people that are trying to find a label or are trying to come out is do it on your own time. You should not have to feel pressured to “find yourself”. You are you, with or without falling in a category. If you don't fall into a label 100%, don’t feel bad. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I don't have to fall in a label. It is also okay to cry. Finding yourself can be hard, and I believe that it is good to have a safe place and/or person to cry on. For coming out, I would say start small like have conversation about LGBT rights or an event to those you want to come out to, then get bigger, like going to an LGBT event or the pride parade or if they were very supportive with LGBT issues, come out.
