NANNI
UTAH| SERIES # 3
Dear Reader,
Hi, I’m Nanni Suarez. I’m the youngest of three in total siblings, and I come a small town in Utah known as Park City. It’s a ski town that’s basically run by Mormons. (Sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone.) I grew up Catholic, and when I started noticing that I was gay, I suppressed those feelings ‘cause of my religion. My mom and I would go to church every Sunday till I turned 11 years old. I started hating the catholic church because we didn’t share the same views, and when I found that I had a cousin who does drag and is gay, I instantly felt so happy because I realized that I was gay. Now I’m using gay as an umbrella term. What I mean by that is: I am pansexual, which simplified is “As long as you love me, I don’t care how you identify yourself.” My cousin who I mentioned earlier helped me out a lot, ‘cause seeing him be open about being gay gave me confidence to be the way I am—I just didn’t realize this till I got to my freshman year of high school. Throughout my fifth to eighth grade years, I had developed depression and anxiety. It didn't help when an ex of mine committed suicide at the beginning of eighth grade. It took a huge toll on me, ‘cause about two summers ago I lost a father figure, and believe me when I say I was a mess. I couldn't handle classes, and I felt like everything was falling apart, and I just couldn’t deal with life. So, I did everything to try and distract myself. I guess you could say I went out looking for myself in order to forget what was happening around me at the time. During my little soul searching, I discovered that I was gay, and I didn’t know exactly how to deal with it. I first came out to my best friend/brother Alex (he is gay as well). We’ve been on a journey to help each other out, because we felt like we only had each other ‘cause we're gay. Fast forward to the end of 8th grade. I had counseling and people fussed over my well-being and blah blah blah. During that summer, my mom and step dad decided it was a good idea to move to Texas. (It didn’t work out well, so we moved back to PC, UT). It was August 08, 2017, and the time was 9:40 p.m. I came out to my older siblings.
I was in Texas at the time, and when I told them I was pansexual I bawled my eyes out ‘cause I felt this weight lift off my shoulders that I didn't know I had. Going back to Park City my freshman year, I told myself that I would come out to my mom when I turned 23 years of age, but something fucked up my plan, and I told my mom. I cannot remember the exact day, but I came out to my mom, and it was every emotional. My mom also kinda forced me out to my dad. But I’m slightly over that now, because my parents accept me even though my mom says, “I can still change,” but I don’t think I will to be honest.
Anyway, I hope this helped you, dear reader. And if it did, don’t be afraid to come out. I know it’s scary, but it’ll be worth it when you do.
Adios, dear reader.
Love always, your fellow queer, Nanni Suarez XOXO
