SAL
CALIFORNIA | SERIES # 4
One of the beautiful things about being a kid is your innocence. Many people feel that when you grow up, that sense of purity gets lost on you. I think it’s a decision that you can make for yourself. I chose to follow in the steps of Peter Pan and keep my childlike optimism close to my heart. Thanks to my innocence, I never even thought about “coming out” in the way it’s portrayed in media. At the time, I was talking to somebody, and the feeling of lying did not sit well in my body. Instantaneously, I knew that I should tell my parents because I wanted to share with them how happy I was.
13-year-old me soon came to find out that not everybody would share that same joy. Coming out was hard. My difficulties were only caused by my parents. I was never discriminated against by my classmates or working professionals, only my providers. It’s extremely ironic because something they constantly told me post-coming out was, “We are just worried about how the world will treat you.” Their worries were misplaced and misdirected. Thinking about it now, I understand that they were actually just concerned about how they would be viewed. I’m sure a part of them feels that they failed because of having queer children.
Without realizing it, I caused permanent emotional damage to my family just for living in my truth. My relationship with my father took a nosedive, and we did not acknowledge each other's presence for many months. When we would talk, it would be him reading the bible to me, which accomplished nothing. Through many years of disjointed conversations and awkward silences, my relationship with my parents has definitely transformed.
My parents aren’t at the point of full acceptance, and I don’t think they ever will be. They are tolerable, and sometimes that is enough. They have shown a lot of love and support for me to stay in school and follow my creative passions/pursuits. What I came to learn through my own coming out was that everything in life evolves with time. For me, what has evolved is my definitions in life and my understanding of people’s capacity. Because of my difficult coming out experience, I came to change my expectations with my parents and recognize their capacity without resentment or anger. There are many things that I get from my chosen family that they can’t provide and vice versa.
I think that’s what is important for queer youth to hear. You have to find your people, and they can come in many shapes and sizes. You’ll know who they are if they are people you can be your most authentic self with. Sometimes that might look like joy – hell, it may even be times of silence. Regardless, your tribe will be there to accept you as you are. You may find them online, at school, in a sport, or in a chat room and that’s okay. When you do find them, hold onto them, and nurture those relationships as you would tend a garden. Finding them might be difficult, but I encourage you to not lose hope. In time, life will provide them to you. A major component to finding those people is believing that you are worthy of having those kinds of people in your life. In case you didn’t realize it, you are worthy, you are loved, and you deserve nothing but the best.
