CODY
TENNESSEE| SERIES # 4
Hi, I'm Cody, and I live in Memphis. I'm a bisexual trans male, and I use he, him
Pronouns. Growing up in Memphis as a trans male (or just in general as a queer person) has been rough. I lived in Bartlett (a town on the outskirts of Memphis) and frequently switched schools. I had to deal with a lot of “junk” from different people, especially as I tried to be more assertive about myself.
I’ve felt unsafe since elementary school. I was different and frequently bullied- even at home. Once, my mom shoved me into feminine clothing, after I shared that they weren’t for me. During middle school, I started figuring out my sexuality. I talked to my parents about it, and my mom shut me down, declaring that it was a phase. My parents didn’t want to hear me talk about it, which is heartbreaking for a teenager. It made me feel lonely going into high school (I already was nervous because I didn’t know anyone at the new school). People would look at me and say, "No." I never knew how to react. I didn't know how to talk about it with other people, especially adults, because I didn't understand my identity. I went through a lot of “phases” with how I dressed and presented myself to the world. I felt scared a lot. I didn't know what the right path was until I was in high school and realized there were other people like me.
Life became a lot easier when I found other people and LGBT groups- particularly OUTMemphis. The first LGBT group I ever joined was Maggie, in a nearby church.
When I got to 10th grade, OUTMemphis was a place I could go to on the weekends and feel safe It was a way I could talk about what I was dealing with, without feeling like an outsider. When talking to my parents, I didn't feel like I was in a safe space. OUTMemphis is a great outlet to make connections, and find help. It's where I've found my therapist, someone who understands what I'm going through, and can guide me. Despite the acceptance I found in these groups, Memphis is still in the South. A lot of people are raised in a more conservative way. My parents grew up conservative, thus didn’t know how to handle what I was going through. Because they couldn’t handle it, I didn’t know how to handle it. I felt really empty, propelling my anxiety and depression. I felt hopeless without support from my parents. My parents constantly berated me with their beliefs that it was a phase. I asked my mom how she would react to having a trans child (a week before I actually came out). She said she would be as positive as possible, and try not to freak out. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what she did. She laughed in my face, and I felt more alone than ever before.
When I first went to OUTMemphis, I was in a youth group called Prism. Meant for 13-17 year-olds, it helped me deal with the harassment I was getting (I got a death threat from someone). I was less petrified and open to socializing. I was able to relax because everyone was so open. They help with legal paperwork, knowledge, and have various programs. OUTMemphis also introduced me to the Cooper Young Pride Festival, theater troupes, and other tools to feel less alone. They have become my sanctuary, a place separate from my other problems that gave me confidence. The center also helps with allies and unsupportive parents. My mom went to a Transparent meeting- where parents of trans kids can go to gain more understanding. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for OUTMemphis. Now, I’m in GenQ (the group for queer kids aged 18-25). I'm excited to meet even more people. Because the center is a nonprofit, it doesn’t feel like a normal business. They actually care about us. The center gives me a sense of excitement, relief, and enjoyment-- free of expectations.
My advice to my younger self is this: life's a bitch, so make it YOUR bitch. Every time something knocks you down, keep going. Don't pay any attention to it, because when you let it go, you will worship yourself. You are your top priority. Nobody else should get in your way. You need to put yourself on a pedestal- you’re on top. Look at yourself with the knowledge that you are the best person in the world. Otherwise, you're going to forget who you're living for.
Recently I got a tattoo. It’s a leaf with two caterpillars eating on the side and I would like to share the story behind it. My history with self-harm has left me with scars on my body. I went on a family trip and was wearing swim trunks and a T-shirt (that's what I felt comfortable wearing). My mom pointed out my scars and said they were embarrassing to her. I wore long sleeves in the summer because I was insecure about them. One day, a friend mentioned that the scars looked like worms or caterpillars. I couldn’t stop laughing, which gave me the idea to turn a regret into a happy accident. I am able to look at myself now and smile. It was euphoric to take control and move forward. I will always remember that people care about me and accept me as I am.
