DEVUNJUE
OKLAHOMA | SERIES # 4
My very favorite song came out about the same time I did. “You are Loved” is a Christian song written by a popular Christian band right here in Oklahoma. The bridge of the song goes like this: “You don’t have to prove yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. You don’t have to prove yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. You are loved.” The song is a reminder that no matter who you are, what you have done, or what you go through, you are loved by the Creator for exactly who you are—this is my reminder to you.
I grew up in a small town and a fairly religious home, but I was the most religious person in my household. I carried my bible everywhere, read it daily, and used every spare opportunity I could to spend with God. My nickname in school was ‘Preacher Man’ and everyone told me I would one day be a pastor. When I actually experienced my call to ministry, I was deeply conflicted, because I was also ‘struggling’ with my sexuality; who I liked and was attracted to was considered an abomination in a book I so adored. And although I was taught to love everyone, the Christians I personally knew had a much different definition of ‘everyone’ than I did, because their definition did not seem to include the LGBTQ+ community.
I spent several nights crying myself to sleep, begging God to take away my gayness—my ‘sinfulness.’ I believed God was mad at me…hated me even. Yet through my confliction I remained faithful; I knew my encounters with God up to this point weren’t false—I could not have made them up. Finally, one night I felt God speak to me: “Why are you crying? You are fearfully and wonderfully made in my divine image. I love you.” Although I remained in the closet several years after this experience, concealing my true identity, an overwhelming sense of peace consumed my soul.
I continued to follow my call to ministry and God surrounded me with people who loved and affirmed me even after I eventually decided to be authentic. Fast forward five years and here I am, still pursuing my call to ministry, still 100% convinced that the Spirit working through me. I am a young, gay, black pastor living out my call in the good ole Bible Belt. Living out this call in one of the most conservative places in America has been challenging to say the least. Many people have questioned my call and have challenged God’s love for people like me and like you. But their issue with our sexuality is an issue with our Creator, the one who formed us in their image just the same.
As a queer person of color, it can be extremely tough to exist in a world that does not validate your humanity. But God created each of us, black, brown, white; trans, bi, gay lesbian and straight, as unique as snowflakes and as colorful as the rainbow. God loves you the way you are because God is love. You. Are. Loved.
