D’METRYUS’
OKLAHOMA | SERIES # 4
When I came out as bi, I was in church. I told my mother, bluntly, at the age of 15. She berated me on the way home and told me that I just wanted to be a boy. (She wasn't wrong, as it turned out, but that's for later.) She also called all of my family members to tell them I liked girls, which ended with my grandmother coming over, and screamed at me, asking if I liked doing certain sexual acts with women. I said no, because I wasn't into sexual acts regardless of my partner's gender, and she soundly declared that I wasn't gay after all. It was probably just a phase that I'd grow out of eventually.
Three years afterwards, in 2014, I met Christian, the person who would later become my husband, and my mother was pleased that I had “grown out” of my bisexuality, since I was finally dating a man. Unbeknownst to my mother, before Christian and I started dating, I had been dating a lovely girl, Toni, which prompted the following thought process when I met Christian: “Wow, he's cute. But, he probably has a girlfriend. Oh, and I have a girlfriend. [Deadname redacted], I know he's cute but get over it, y'all aren't gonna date.” I even scolded my sister over this thought, when she first met him, because as soon as we were alone she goes, “He likes you! I can see it in his face!” I waved it off, not wanting the eminent disappointment that came with crushes.Later that year we began dating.
In 2017, we married, happily. At this point I realized I was genderfluid, and went through a flurry of different identities, until January of 2018, when I started performing as a drag king. I wore a fake beard, and it felt correct. I was called Mr., he, and Sir, and it all felt so right. I was stricken with a fear I think a lot of trans people have — what if I'm pretending? What if I'm not really trans? I texted my husband, knowing we were both pansexual but still scared - “What if I'm a trans guy? What would you think?” He told me that he felt like whatever made me feel the most correct that I should do that. I made a post on the Facebook page of my lgbtq+ saying that I was going to use he/him pronouns from then on, and the outpouring of support I received quelled any fears I had of rejection.
That was January 19th, 2018. I spent the next few months coming out to various family members, testing the waters. I got a wide range of acceptance from my family. My sisters were and still are incredibly accepting, while my aunt refuses to use my name or pronouns. There are very few blood family members I keep in regular contact with nowadays, and I've done my best to find people I connect with, and make them my family. There's my best friend Dane, his fiance Case, my husband of course, and then I have several queer platonic partners who I consider family. The last few years have been difficult, from losing family members I was incredibly close to, losing friends to suicide, and being homeless and trans in the buckle of the Bible Belt. It's all been incredibly difficult. It has also been the best years of my life. Coming out was the hardest thing I have ever done. However, existing as I'm supposed to? That's been so freeing. I end my story with this; be who you are, unapologetically, unrelenting. Allow yourself to explore who you are, and don't be afraid to follow that rabbit hole.
