JIMMY
OKLAHOMA | SERIES # 4
Looking back through old pictures and thinking of childhood memories of aunts referring to me as, "Chi Vu" translated to be, "Sister Vu,” it's pretty apparent that I've been as gay from the day I was born, butI didn't have the vocabulary to back up it up. It wasn't until middle school in Sex Ed that I learned what a homosexual was. Now I had a label that fit the feelings I was having. I've always had a lot of friends who were girls, but never any girlfriends. Do you really date the girls you play double dutch with? I even gave it a try and kissed a few girls, but it never seemed right. There was never butterflies or fireworks, it was about as bad as kissing my mom. Even though I would not actually kiss my first boy until the summer after high school, the feelings I had for boys overshadowed anything I felt for the girls.
Back then there wasn't much in the way of media portrayal of gay men. I didn't know how I was supposed to act or be. Will and Grace aired my freshman year of high school. I actually resonated with Jack McFarland more so then Will Truman. Will seemed so reserved by comparison, like he was doing it wrong somehow. So I tried to be more like Jack, more bubbly and bitchy. For a couple of years, I was that bubbly boy galavanting and screaming "Hey girl!" down the halls of school. It was so exhausting.
The summer of sophomore year, my parents told us that we were moving to Oklahoma City for better job prospects — after five years they couldn't stand the cold winters of Iowa any longer. It was devastating to say the least, being uprooted from friends who were so supportive of me during my coming out years. Little did I know that coming out is a lifelong process.
I only ever heard of negative and terrifying things about Oklahoma and the bible belt. I did not want to get bashed or lynched for being gay. I told myself that I needed to rein it in and turn the flame down to a simmer and that was what I did. I withdrew within myself and back into the closet. I told myself it would be okay to do this just for a couple years until I went to college and could rejoin my friends again.
Oklahoma isn't anywhere as terrifying as I thought. There were no incidents of violent homophobia aside from the whispers and laughing and pointing in the halls. I ended up going to OU for college because out of state tuition was not feasible for someone putting himself through college working three jobs and raising a teenage sibling. While coming out again in college I found myself less Jack and more Will, and this time it was okay. I realized there's no one way to be gay, just be yourself even if you're a bit of a curmudgeon. We come in all colors of the rainbow. You are loved, you don't have to be anything you don't want to be. Find the people that will bolster you, not keep you down. Cut the toxicity out of your life and live.
20 years now I've been in Oklahoma and it's definitely not easy to be gay in a red state, but if I don't stay and help change it, will it ever get better for others? I'm now a local realtor and have been with my husband for almost thirteen years now. We got married back in 2014. I'm involved with the local PFLAG chapter to educate and support the community as well as part of an LGBTQIA+ affirming youth shelter for transitionally homeless youth ages 15-22 years old. This is how I can help.
