YUSR
MICHIGAN | SERIES # 4
My name is Yusr. I am a lesbian from Belleville, Michigan. In Belleville, it's not amazing. It's not the most conservative close-minded place in the world but it's not the best. It's a really white town.
When I moved there as a kid, there wasn’t really an LGBT presence there. In middle school, the first people I knew in town started coming out. A really good friend of mine left the community, and I didn't know what happened to them. A few years later, I went to a local high school production, and learned that he had come out as trans and pansexual. Because he left without explanation, I was shocked. To me, I assumed this was the trajectory for people after they came out.
While it won’t ever be super-inclusive, it feels more accepting now. You just have to keep your head down and try to push through.
I realized I wasn't straight, shortly after I started unlearning my homophobia, during my freshman year of high school. At first, I was a straight asexual, then a panromatic asexual, then a lesbian. My high school was pretty chill with that kind of thing, but it wasn't until I went to college that the world really opened to me. Even though I lived at home, I was able to be myself in a new way. The sense of community I felt at college was unlike anything I'd experienced before. I met other trans people for the first time outside of a screen! I met other gay and trans Muslims, who were facing the same issues as I was! I felt so loved, in a way I never did at home.
I came out to some people, and it didn't go super well. I really don't like lying to people, so I wouldn’t pretend to be something I'm not. I don't feel there's safety in keeping secrets. Unfortunately, I learned that coming out is also not something that feels sustainably safe for me. While my sister is amazing, my parents have never been supportive of that part of me. I know they never will be. I love them deeply, and knowing how this hurts them, eats at me. I know that there isn't anything I can do to change their beliefs. As a Muslim, it felt a hundred times harder to come out. It is still hard, even after all these years. Family comes first for me, and I feel that if coming out will do more harm then good, you don’t have to come out. I’ve come to accept that sometimes the safest thing to do, is NOT always to come out. Whether for safety, reputation, family, etc., it is okay to sit and deal with it the best way you know how to.
My partner and I are in love and wholly committed to each other. We have discussed what we would do if given the chance to become straight. While we both acknowledge that we would probably take that opportunity, we trust that we are who God meant for us to be, even if it's hard sometimes.
I write this because I want to provide you with another narrative. I want you to know that "it gets better" doesn't always mean that eventually, your family will come around, and your community will support you. It doesn’t mean that you'll never feel like crying ever again once this happens. Still, I want you to know that you can survive all your worst case scenarios, and you are savvy enough to take care of yourself. You never have to come out, it isn't a mandatory right of passage; you can lay low as long as you deem best until it is safe.
Not everybody is immediately accepted by their family when they come out. Sometimes, you have to cut ties. My advice to LGBT people (or people that are of any minority) is to always prioritize your safety. If you need to get out of your environment, these things can help to keep you tangibly safe. try to look for opportunities to help you along the way. Look for scholarships, certifications, etc. to help you go to a university, or get a higher paying job in a different city.
