DANIEL
MICHIGAN | SERIES # 4
I came out as transgender (female to male) when I was 15, but I had been confused about my identity for years prior. I didn’t hate my body, and I certainly don’t now, but around the time I hit 6th grade, there was definitely something about it that I hated other people seeing. Throughout middle school, I would go out of my way to hide myself. I would wear size 2XL t-shirts and a pair of pants every day (I believe in these pictures I’m wearing a M). On top of that, I’d wear a giant hoodie, which I replaced each school year to change things up a little. It was like second-nature for me to feel this underlying discomfort with myself.
By 8th grade, I had also trained myself to not use the bathroom during typical school hours; I hated having to face the other girls in my grade. A lot of simple tasks were over-thought because if I did so much as turn a certain way or speak at a certain volume, I felt like my body was betraying who I was inside. At first, this feeling was really difficult for me to explain to my therapist. I knew what transgender was, but I felt like my thoughts and emotions didn’t quite align with what I’d heard of the “typical experience”. I didn’t explicitly feel like my body was wrong, but I hated people’s assumptions about my identity when they saw me.
Instead of trying to replicate what I thought it meant to be transgender, I decided to tell my therapist what I knew was true for me: unless I was seen as male, I would never be comfortable showing people my true personality. If I continued as female, my thoughts and actions would be viewed differently from how my mind originally expressed them.
By the end of my freshman year in high school, my discomfort severely outweighed my desire to stay quiet. I decided to tell my therapist everything, which she readily supported. I remember one day, she asked me, “What would happen if you took every necessary action to correctly express yourself?” When I first thought about that, I kind of panicked. To imagine everyone in my life suddenly knowing about my identity was really overwhelming. Then I really thought about it. If I came out and actually lived as the person I’d been dreaming of being, the people who cared about me would still stay by my side. Those who didn’t, would leave.
With the perfect support system, how could I not want that as soon as possible? I had too much to gain, and too little to lose. I decided to tell a couple of people in my life who would be able to support me outside of my therapy appointments. My guidance counselor, my health teacher, and each of my close friends were accepting and crucial to helping me build confidence in my identity. In February of 2018, I told my parents and siblings. Later, in June, I came out to all of my classmates and friends via social media.
This time a year ago, I would have never expected to be where I am now. Since I’ve come out, I’ve been presented so many opportunities to advocate for trans youth in my community and it’s just been incredible. I’ve become so much more aware of the impact I can have by simply making my thoughts known- not only my own life, but to the lives of others.
To any young person who is struggling: your voice holds so much more power than you know. If there is a change that you wish to make in this life, you must say so. Say so, and don’t stop talking, because there will always be someone out there ready to listen to you.
