GRAYSON
MICHIGAN | SERIES # 4
Out of the countless hours I’ve spent watching YouTube videos, I never learned that coming out was not only a journey for yourself, but also for the people around you. I was blessed that my mom never batted an eye to the people I was interested in. With that openness, I never really waited for her approval on anything. I went ahead and traded in my hyper-femme wardrobe, for my brother’s clothes.I made a petition to get my hair cut just a bit shorter. While I never hid anything about myself, I also never explicitly told my parents that I was a boy. I found my school to be a safe place where I could try out my new name and start telling teachers to call me Grayson.
I came out to my mom after a night of watching people’s transition videos in 8th grade. Watching those people in the videos show off their HRT progress and surgery recovery got me to a point where I couldn’t take the thought of someone not knowing that I needed these things. I felt like I poured my heart out for an hour. I explained what was going on inside my head and how hard it’s been for me the past few years. After that night, we barely talked about it again. I didn’t blame her, as nothing could start until both of my parents knew.
I’m not sure if the words ever actually left my mouth to explain to my dad that I am a boy, but one night it clicked. I was at a breaking point, and I admitted myself to the hospital. That was the night that things were forced into the open. The urgency and severity of what was going on in my head was now apparent; there was no denial that I needed help. The next morning I was admitted into a mental hospital where my dad told the nurses my name was Grayson. Honestly, I was confused, but I finally felt supported, I knew I was okay. The nervousness of telling my dad, of possibly being kicked out or not accepted, was all gone. My dad called me Grayson.
After that, I felt as though I had the space to explore the kind of person I wanted to be, and how I was going to become that person. While I knew who I was, it still took time for the people around me to get it. Kids at school still didn’t think I was serious, my Mom was unsure of where to start, my Dad wad was just starting to wrap his head around what Transgender meant, and no one understood how hard it was for me to keep myself afloat.
I always felt so prepared before coming out. I made sure I knew statistics, I researched with diligence, I found all of the resources possible, and knew everything there was to know. What I didn’t account for, however, was the fact that the people around me hadn’t necessarily done the same research. They didn’t know the specifics of what the next steps were, or understand the challenges of what I was going through. Becoming a teacher to my parents was never something I thought I’d have to do, but I certainly had to. Finally, my parents found a support group for parents of Transgender children. They were around people who were on the same level of understanding. It gave them a safe place to ask questions without worrying about upsetting me. They were given space to be confused, and to get the information they needed.
People are raised in different environments, from different generations. My Dad didn't know gay people. My Mom had never known anyone trans. My grandparents still don't really “get it”, but they love me all the same. That’s why it's so important for me to share my story. There's never a wrong way to be yourself or to come out. People might not always understand, but most likely, they'll be willing to learn.
This is a basic version of my story, but please don't think it was all 100% easy. It was a process, a long one, and my close friends and family were there for it all. I mean heck, at one point of my life or another, I've identified as the L, the G, the B, the T, the Q, and the + of LGBTQ+, but I wouldn't change a thing, because it all lead to me finding and accepting my true self, Grayson.
