DELANEY
NEBRASKA | SERIES # 4
Alright, my name is Delaney Nicole.
At the time I am writing this, I am 13 years old. My story begins in 2018 because I had a pretty boring life before then. I will mention that before my 13th birthday party I thought there was only gay and straight for some reason. So, I was going to a girl scout camp, not any special one, just a normal camp. At least I thought it was.
The other people who came and I were standing in a circle and saying our names and what school we went to. I said, “I am homeschooled,” which I am, so that's normal for me. Then, about 2 people over from me, another person also said, “Homeschooled.” (Let's call this person Nico.) I don’t usually meet many homeschoolers, so this was cool! I had not paid much attention to this person but I looked at her and had this weird urge to be her friend, So that's what I did! Long story short, we became friends and emailed once we got home from camp, Then I got her phone number so it was easier now to talk to her.
Fast forward to my birthday party, Everyone I invited came, including Nico. It was a pretty normal party. Games, cake, food that was probably not the best for you. Once most of the people were asleep, that left Nico, me, and 3 other friends still awake. We were asking random questions about each other and one of them was, “What’s your sexuality?” I was confused, so they started naming some of them and I asked about one (Bisexual). In that moment, I realized I had a huge crush on my new friend. I was scared, confused, happy, and other things I can't name, so I just blurted out “Bi” and left it at that. Later that night, another question was, “Who is your crush?” Nobody but me mentioned one and I just said, “Someone in this group who is awake.” Lucky me, all of my friends except Nico pointed at Nico!! When everyone was leaving, I remember feeling the most upset when Nico had left. I asked my mom when the soonest time I could see my therapist was because I needed to talk to someone.
Later that month (October), I called Nico to finally tell her that I liked her. Of course she was grounded until Halloween. So after Halloween, I called her to tell her, her reaction was, “Great, now both of my best friends like me,” (or something like that). (Let's call this best friend L). I said, “Wait, L likes you too?!” “Wait, I am one of your best friends?!” It was a yes to both of those, and I did not know whether to be happy or sad about it. I came out to my family some time in the future and they took it well. Later, I was on a group chat and one of the people there referred to Nico as “Him”, so I asked Nico about it and they said something along the lines of, “Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, I am genderfluid”. I said, “Cool”, because I always found it somewhat interesting. (I will use they/them for Nico from now on). They apparently thought I was going to be weirded out or something, but that's just not me! I accept all my friends. Although the pronouns took a while to get used to, I managed! A while later I realized I am pan, not bi. Nothing about our friendship got screwed up by the crush, them being genderfluid, or anything! So that's my story! I know it has a lot to do with Nico but they are the reason I know I am pan in the first place.
I am well aware I have not had as much of a hard time as many LGBTQ+ youth or adults, but I still want to put my story out there to hopefully help someone. The main messages I want to pass on are: If someone is truly your best friend, they won't get weirded out by a crush, gender identity, or any about sexuality. If someone stops being friends with you because of those things, sure it will sting, but that means they were not really a good friend. Remember that, and happily move on!
You are valid. You are loved.
